sparrowpost

This year I’ve backtracked from last year’s hard line no-gift policy. I’m not really sure what motivated it, but I’ve basically gone back to making or buying one thing for each member of my nuclear family.

In spite of the fact that the gifts are pretty humble, I’m afraid that I may have broken some of the trust we were able to build up last year by entering back into the arms race. I have to say that I didn’t think through the whole thing very logically. I just kept thinking about Christmas morning, and how giving everyone something that you made with them in mind, or thought they might especially like seems to round out the holiday. Maybe like the rest of the American public I wanted to flee back into the safety of indulgence… keeping up the traditions of the stockings, the tree with gifts under it as an act of re-affirmation. Or maybe, as I’ve been telling myself as I’ve been making these gifts (an buying a few also!), I just want to have some physical symbol of the gratitude I feel to all these people who help keep me, my husband and son balanced and joyful in spite of our many commitments.

The main problem is that I feel like I have betrayed my mother and mother-in-law, who I must say were both incredibly supportive and understanding of my no-gift ultimatum last year. My mom actually mentioned that not doing gifts made the holiday much happier for her, since it took away the stress of trying to buy gifts for people who already have everything they need. I hope that the fact that I got her a present (just one!) this year doesn’t make her feel like she has to get me one in return. My mother-in-law has been very understanding about not doing gifts, though gift giving is something she is very good at, and which seems to bring her joy. So I’m not really sure why I’m breaking the rules here…

The irony is that the no-gift Christmas went very well in 2010. The rules were very clear—gifts for grandchildren only. And for the most part, everyone followed the rules. Life was made easier for me because we traveled from CA to FL on Christmas Day, and so there was no temptation to do the traditional Christmas morning gift-opening extravaganza. I also worked up until two days before Christmas, so there was no time for me to make or buy anything anyway. Finally, because we had Christmas Eve with my family, and the day after Christmas with my husband’s family, it seemed like we crammed in lots of non-gift related celebrating with everyone. So basically it worked well because we sort-of skipped Christmas Day entirely by traveling instead.

So what this year’s violation of the no-gift pact seems to come down to for me is a failure of imagination. The traditionalist in me still wants to celebrate Christmas as I knew it when I was a kid, with gifts and Christmas breakfast and playing with gifts and then Christmas Dinner. Without the centerpiece of the gift-giving, some part of me isn’t really sure what I should do to make Christmas Day itself seem special. I don’t really want to indoctrinate my son into the “Night Before Christmas” Santa Claus fantasy, but I’m not really sure what other types of traditions to put in its place. As someone who isn’t particularly religious, or comfortable with touchy-feely new age substitutions, or able to access/ inherit more pagan and less consumerist holiday traditions, I’m just not sure what to do to make it ours.

So this year I am giving a few gifts as a crutch, and then I will see what other sorts of Christmas Day traditions I can try to start in order to make me feel like I have observed the holiday. Next year perhaps I can return to the no-gift challenge! In the meantime, please let me know what non-gift traditions you have on Christmas Day, I need help.